Well our HPCL Exam is coming near and though there are not much seats of us still one can keep hope. Especially after heart shattering result of Vizag steels, rotten exam of BEL and worse than worst exam of CIL. And now ONGC recruitment is out.
As most of you know I cleared ONGC, HPCL and NPCIL last year.Trust me those selections were totally unexpected and now when i don't find my name on the selected list i could understand what my friends must have felt back then. I was always kind of lucky one. I cleared all written exams of my campus selections despite of being blackest sheep of our college in academics with % less than 65. Without solving a single sheet of career launcher i got 88 percentile as i in my 4th year. I got 94 percentile in english despite of my being not able to understand a single news article till 10th class. I ve constantly failed maths and one time physics exam after my 6th standard. It was only in boards that my percentage rouse upto 80 and i don't know how? I ve never touched 70 mark from nursery. I was always in 50 -60.I just don't know what right or wrong i did.(Well i know but i still got results when it mattered)
And now today when i picked up my formula copy(made easy formula copy) to be precise i just didn't know what to read. I ve read all the formulas in previous exams too but it had hardly helped. They were simply of not any use for one of the many reasons.I forget them sometimes,my brain didn't worked as it should have and most importantlyMost of the questions demanded time,calculator or worse both. Then i thought of picking up GATE book and remembering all questions but is it possible at such a mature stage of my preparation? When i had finally let go of my recalling properties and was all out in understanding and application of basics, question papers started playing unfair game of devoiding me of my weapon calculator.
I was always the quickest mind.Whether in speaking lies, or thinking innovative answers to a viva question i hardly knew.Trust me the only thing i knew about mechanical engineering was it spelling. I could barely tell name of 5 subjects when i passed out. But these two years of heart breaking, back bending preparation for understanding everything has snatched me of my spontaneity.It was something i was sure is never going to leave me.I was so proud of it, making fun of others as dumb and slow mind. Trust me i ve read notes of every subject atleast 15 times baring a few. I must have done examples atleast 5 times. In between my preparation was disturbed by various reasons but how come it is worse than last year when i was clearing almost every exam and i didn't knew many a things i know now.
I have taken admission in mtech college in a stream which is quite far from mechanical.You know what as i kept on understanding the depths of mechanical engineering i lost trace of my clever wit quick wit always a answer on lips personality. Has rubbing of my brain against walls of ME had made me blunt instead of sharp.I was so sharp before.
When i don't find my name on that list i repent for the times i took it for granted.All those exams are coming again.I don't know whether to quit or try harder.My hopes are bruised, and brain is reading tired of all the stuff again and again, my eyes accustomed to familiar concepts hardly grasping anything new.Everytime i get struck in problem my heart says not again. I don't know whether it is new beginning or the end.
